Did you know the average Australian will spend 17 years of their life on their phone… that’s a staggering 33% of our waking hours? Whilst we hear a lot about dopamine, especially the role it plays in forming and maintaining our digital habits, we’ve overlooked a hormone that we may be low on, due to our digital infatuation.
One of the biggest casualties of this digital age? Oxytocin, which is the hormone that nourishes our emotional health and fosters genuine connection. It’s sometimes referred to as the ‘social bonding’ hormone.
The Hidden Cost of our Digitally-Demanding Lives
Excessive time online and reduced opportunities for face-to-face interactions are possibly diminishing our natural oxytocin production. And oxytocin is more than just the “bonding” hormone…it’s the emotional glue that helps us thrive as humans.
For females, this problem may be even more pronounced than for our male counterparts. Bonding (and the corresponding oxytocin production) is how we tend to manage stress. The “tend and befriend” theory highlights something fascinating about the way females often respond to stress. Unlike the typical “fight or flight” response, women are more likely to nurture those around them, seek out social support and strengthen their connections. It’s an evolutionary mechanism that’s deeply rooted in our biology, designed to protect not just ourselves but also our communities. This innate response shows just how powerful relationships and support networks can be in helping us navigate stress and challenges. Whilst this is not to suggest, at all, that males don’t benefit from connection because they certainly do, research suggests that they don’t default to the “tend and befriend” approach as women do. You can read more here about how our biometric data can reveal powerful insights about the impact of connection.
Human connection= stress antidote
One of our most fundamental needs is the need for relational connection. When we’re with other people (in-person, in real time), we often laugh with them, or imitate their mood and can even co-regulate our emotions, thanks to our mirror neurons. (There’s science to explain how our moods can be contagious.)
Connecting with others, especially in person, can be an antidote to stress that so many of us are feeling today.
When we’re with other people, our brain releases oxytocin, which strengthens our bonds with others and reduces our stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, online interactions do not biochemically replicate in-person connections. In fact, research has shown that in-person interactions are far superior for reducing cortisol levels and enhancing oxytocin, compared with text-only and verbal-only interactions.
When we interact with people in close physical proximity, our brains release a hormone called ‘oxytocin’; sometimes referred to as the ‘love hormone’ or ‘social bonding hormone’, it strengthens our bonds with others and reduces our stress and anxiety. Unfortunately, online interactions do not biochemically replicate our in-person connections.
Oxytocin Matters
It plays a vital role in:
Simple, Science-Backed ways to Produce Oxytocin
Physical Touch
A hug lasting at least 10 seconds can release oxytocin. Whether it’s with your child, partner, pet, or even giving yourself a cuddle, don’t underestimate the power of touch. This is also why many people enjoy massage (or for me, it’s reflexology). Warning, hugging your colleagues may not be appropriate in the workplace and may land you in trouble… always ensure that your colleagues welcome physical touch (I take no responsibility if you end up having a tricky meeting with HR because you were “just trying to give your colleague an oxytocin hit.”
Be where your feet are
Next time you’re with someone, try this: no phone, just eye contact and active listening. Even a brief, meaningful moment can foster deep connection and give you a solid hit of oxytocin.
“Research shows that smartphones are also killing our conversations. If there’s a phone present when you’re in a social interaction, it decreases the quality of what you talk about – you have surface conversations because that’s all you can handle when you’re distracted – and your empathetic connection decreases because some of your focus is diverted to your phone.” (Source- Dear Digital, We need to talk). We also know that the mere presence of our phones adversely impacts our cognitive performance.
Small acts of kindness
Small acts of kindness, like making your partner a cup of tea, sending a thoughtful message, a voice memo or funny meme to a friend, or simply taking the time to smile and say good-morning to someone on your morning walk, can create a ripple effect of oxytocin release for both you and others.
YOUR POWER-UP ACTION
This week, choose one of these micro-habits and make it a ritual. Whether it’s holding a hug a little longer, truly connecting with someone, or offering a random act of kindness, you’ll elevate your oxytocin and your energy.
Building your stress adaptability is key to thriving in this digital age and is one of the three pillars in my Flourishing Formula. Managing and being intentional about your production of oxytocin is a simple, science-backed way to regulate your stress response. It’s about embedding small, intentional micro-habits, like connecting with friends, or touching a loved one that really will have a profound impact on your wellbeing.
P.S. If this message resonated with you, feel free to share it with someone who might need a little oxytocin boost this week. And don’t forget, my Calm to Conquer eCourse will give you other science-backed strategies to manage your stress in real time.
Sources
Taylor, S. E., Klein, L. C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R. A., & Updegraff, J. A. (2000). Biobehavioral responses to stress in females: tend-and-befriend, not fight-or-flight. Psychological review, 107(3), 411–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295x.107.3.411
LJ Seltzer, TE Ziegler & SD Pollak, ‘Social vocalizations can release oxytocin in humans’, Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, vol. 277, no. 1694, 2010, pp. 2661–2666.
S Turkle, (2-16). Reclaiming Conversation: The power of talk in a digital age, Penguin.
Ward, A. F., Duke, K., Gneezy, A., & Bos, M. W. (2017). Brain drain: The mere presence of one’s own smartphone reduces available cognitive capacity. Journal of the association for consumer research, 2(2), 140-154.
